The development of dissociated aspects of self (“parts”) is an adaption to severe trauma. While it may have been helpful for you as a child, dissociated aspects of self can cause challenges for adult survivors. Sometimes child parts of you can get ‘stuck in time’. They may not be grown up and may not be fully aware of the present. They may feel unsafe, particularly if they feel they have small and vulnerable bodies, or do not understand adult life. They may fear a perpetrator who is in fact deceased. They may be afraid of punishment as if they are still a child. On the other hand, they may be happy, just wanting to play all day, while you need to get to work on time! This can also cause inner conflict between adult and child parts.
Whatever the situation, one of the important roles of the adult, present-orientated parts of you, is to help the other parts of you also be fully orientated to the present. This can initially feel challenging and is best attempted very slowly and carefully. It is best to first attempt this in the way that feels safest and with the child parts that feel ‘closer’ and less dissociated. Ideally, discuss this with your therapist and practice with them at first. If this is not an option for you, take care of yourself and work slowly with these strategies.
Some ideas include:
- Encourage child parts to ‘look out your eyes’ or just ‘take a peek’ at evidence – e.g. newspapers with the date, the date on your mobile phone.
- Ask child parts to listen to some sounds from the present. This could be a bird singing outside, or some music.
- Encourage them to look at your body – the size of your hands, or your size compared to a chair/table or the door frame.
- Ask them to stand up and see how tall they are. They will see they are the height of adult– not a child. This might seem scary at first, but it can also be reassuring to be a big adult as having an adult body may feel safer.
- Encourage them to look at physical environment – the features of the house they live in now and notice that it is different to the childhood home.
- Show them photos from the present – these photos should safe and non-threatening. They could include a beloved pet, a photo of a trusted loved one, or a picture of a recent happy outing or holiday.
- Show them ornaments/toys/appliances from the present. These can actually form ‘safe anchors’ to the present (Boon, Steele and van der Hart, 2011)
Try to do this gently, keep it positive, and even try to have some fun. This is a chance for traumatised parts to have a better experience.
Reference:
Boon, Steele and van der Hart (2011). Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation.
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